Summer is going by so fast and I haven’t done anything memorable yet. The weather has been gloomy lately and the feeling of summer still hasn’t sunken in. I’m currently just sitting here with Brownie in my lap. I have many things left to do and haven’t really accomplished anything in the last month. Why do I have to go to college?
However, I am slowly progressing on driving. I can finally turn both left and right…and can reverse in a straight line. I’m still pretty horrible with the driving speed though. I drive extremely slow and Iit’s really aggravating! I’m taking official driving lessons soon but it’s five hundred dollars. Where will I find that…?
“And there he goes, so perfectly…the kind of flawless I wish I could be.”
Sometimes I feel like there’s no one you can trust but yourself. The people you least expect to hurt you end up hurting you the most. The friends who are supposed to be there for you leave you hanging. That’s why there isn’t really anyone I would consider a true friend in my life. Yeah, there’s people I talk to during school, work, etc. but do they mean a lot to me? Not really. It’s just easier to not label people as your “best friend.” I’m terrible at maintaining friendships because it’s too much work. Too much commitment and too much time spent in building up a friendship that could end over one little thing. There’s too much drama and emotions when you allow someone to be that close to you. In my experience, it’s never worth it in the end. People drift apart and everything comes to an end at one point, right?
It’s been almost a month since break started. I’ve been slacking off on getting into shape and working out but as of June 1, I’ve started running. It’s only been 2 days but I’m proud of myself for being able to get up early and run. My body feels so sore and I love it. After running, I feel so awake and full of energy; I feel productive. I miss this.
I’ve been feeling insecure about my weight lately. Running helps with this because I eat more when I run. I’m hoping to gain at least five pounds this summer. This means I have to start eating healthier and follow a schedule. It’s going to be so hard to do!
A relationship shouldn’t be built around rules and set boundaries. You shouldn’t tell someone what he can and cannot do. All you can do is tell him how you feel about certain things and leave it up to him to make his own decisions. You can only hope that he takes into consideration your feelings and makes the right choice on his own. And if he doesn’t, just roll with the punches. Rules are only made to be broken.
I used to find promises meaningful and important. I recently came to realize that I only ask for promises to for comfort and false security. I don’t believe in promises; most of them aren’t kept. When you ask for promises, you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. That’s a lesson I learned recently.
“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away”
I’m the kind of person that always has trouble finding the right words to say. It’s difficult to put what I’m feeling into words that won’t be misinterpreted and taken the wrong way. And it doesn’t help that I attempt to express myself after bottling all these feelings up. I just blow up and say things out of emotions, things that can’t be taken back.
I wish it was easier to make friends. I wish I was more outgoing. I’ve been wanting to get to know my boyfriend’s friends and feel more comfortable around them because it feels like I know nothing about that part of his life. I want to see what he’s like around his friends and be comfortable with that part of him…see how he interacts with other people and how he acts around them. I want him to be able to have fun with his friends and me together without having to choose between us. I just wish things were easier. Feels like I’m missing out.
I can’t describe how I’m feeling right now but I don’t like this feeling.
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“You know what it’s like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it’s never going to be with you?”